The human being has an infinite capacity for desiring more. This is both good and dangerous. This desire motivates our ambition and compels us to innovate and find better ways to live our lives. However, this powerful force can trick us into always being fixated on what we do not have and take for granted that which we do have. Being fixated in such a way acts as a cancer to our ability to be grateful and gratitude is the supreme attribute that determines our happiness.

How do we then remain in control of these forces and allow them to enrichen our lives without sabotaging our joy? I would like to offer one answer I have used in my life to my great benefit.

In my youth (during college to be specific) a friend told me to define success for myself and write it down. He told me to be specific; answer the questions that I think mattered for me to perceive myself as being successful. How much money would I make? What kind of car would I drive? What kind of family would I have? How big would my yard be; would I have a dog; where would I travel; what would my habits be – and on and on. So I did. I tried to be as specific as possible. I defined all sorts of things, many you would expect, some you wouldn’t and some that even seem silly in hindsight. I wrote it all down in my journal when I was about 24 years old.

Now, almost a decade and a half later, I look back and review the list (and have done so many times) I have been able to check-off items on the list as they were accomplished. My list, which filled multiple pages, now has the majority of items checked. Some items that required a bit of faith to accomplish – have a son – have a daughter – marry a wonderful woman that would be a good mother and amazing spouse – are now all checked. Others that simply required planning are also checked – own a brand new car – go on a cruise. And some that to many might seem silly – own a house that allows me to put up a Christmas tree in the front room so it can be seen from the street outside – but give me much joy are also checked.

I still want more, lots more, and I won’t stop striving for it all. But having this list has protected me from the unconscious impulse to continually move my target for success and thereby never obtain it. This definition of success which I made back in college has enabled me to experience much happiness: first in knowing what I am striving for, second in watching myself accomplish certain things, and also (and perhaps most important) keep clear in my mind the distinction between those things that I need (subjectively) and those things that I want above and beyond; and all the while not allow the things I still want to rob me of the joy in the things that I declared I needed and have subsequently obtained.